Colander problem
Sometimes my social filter is more like a colander, letting through all kinds of thoughts and stories that in hindsight I would have rather kept to myself. You know that feeling when you just start speaking and lose track of time and what you’re actually saying? Yeah… 😬
words just slip through
Then comes the part of making peace with the knowledge that this new acquaintance is now walking around carrying my deepest secrets and traumas. Honestly, I don’t know how to feel about it. 🥲
connection = oversharing?
Why would this happen? I think it comes from the need for connection. Trying to connect but hitting the oversharing button can be a common mistake that many people make when trying to build relationships. And we, ADHD’ers, are not the exception!
let's get to the juicy stuff
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and reveal too much about ourselves, whether it’s personal information or details about our past. We might get so excited to get close to someone that we accidentally overshare, thus trying to speed up the intimacy. 💀
WHY WE OVERSHARE?
ADHD’ers might overshare for many reasons, but the innate impulsivity and lack of boundaries can play a big part! Interestingly enough, when we’re in hyperfocus, it can also cause oversharing. We get so excited to share our new interest or knowledge (as our brains are consumed by it 😵💫), that we might forget that the listener might not be as passionate as we are. 😅
HELP!
💜 Mindfulness – it’s a skill that can help with active listening. It can teach us to ground ourselves in the present moment and become aware of our surroundings.
🤝 Learning boundaries – sometimes we’re not even aware of our boundaries and what we’re willing to share and with whom. Having porous boundaries can make us overshare. Here’s a great book about boundaries.
🖌️ Finding an outlet for self-expression can also provide a creative outlet to channel thoughts and feelings in a more constructive manner.
HELP!
👂 Active listening – becoming curious about the speaker, instead of getting lost in your own thoughts, judgements or worries. It takes practice, but it looks something like this:
- Asking open-ended questions
- Asking probing questions
- Requesting clarification
- Paraphrasing & reflecting feelings
😊 Finally, finding support through a mental health professional or an ADHD coach can help with self-awareness and impulse control, as it helps to become more aware of underlying thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviours.
