ADHD & Expectations

unrealistic expectations

We often have an expectation that we need to perform 110% all of the time. The only way to get things done is being consistent. The only way to be consistent is to keep up the same performance every day, no matter what happens. Even though this is unrealistic, we, ADHD’ers, often guilt and shame ourselves for not achieving these expectations… 😩 

ADHD expectation to focus
ADHD hyperfocus mode

superhuman hyperfocus

I partly blame the hyperfocus for this! Experiencing this intense state of focus and ability to achieve a lot of things in a short amount of time can set up unrealistic expectation that this is how it should be all the time. That this is our true potential. And while hyperfocus can be great and enjoyable, it’s also exhausting, depletes our energy and requires a lot of rest afterwards.

exhaustion hits hard

Cue the exhaustion phase! Sometimes we overdo it, sometimes our bodies and minds have to rest. Requiring them to perform at 110% is simply unkind. 🥲 

When you feel like this, ask yourself: “what’s the bare minimum that I can do today?”, not “how can I get everything I want to do and more done”. 

healing trauma

It’s not uncommon for ADHD’ers to be dealing with trauma too. It can take its toll on the mind and body. It can hit us unexpectedly, and deplete the energy that we wanted to spend on other things. It’s important to take care of yourself and not push away these feelings. The only way to heal is going through it (with a help of the professional). 💕

Being ill is hard

Sometimes we get physically ill. No one likes to be ill, but for ADHD’er, who usually struggles with completing tasks, being ill can feel like a defeat. It can bring up the same feelings of failure and procrastination. 

If you’re ill, the most important thing is to take care of your health. You can still ask yourself the same question of “what’s the bare minimum that I can do today?”, however it’s just as important to ask “what do I need right now? What could make me feel better? How can I nourish my body?”.

ADHD & Hormones

For women/AFAB ADHD can present a very unique challenge: our shifting hormones can impact our energy and focus levels. It’s not uncommon for those with ADHD to suffer with PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder)

different expectations

The only way to get through these days is by setting different expectations for yourself. Ask yourself:

  • How do I feel today?
  • What do I need today?
  • What’s most important today?
  • How can I take care of myself while achieving my goals? How does compassionate productivity look?
  • Where do my current expectations of productivity come from? Are they helping me?
ADHD & self-care

Self-compassion Workbook

You can learn more about living with your ADHD brain and self-compassion in this workbook. 💕😊

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